Today is my birthday and I’m a lot closer to 30 than I would like to be. My blog is a year old now and as such, I thought it would be the right time to write about my car accident.. I have no idea whether I will actually publish this, but if your reading it, then I obviously bit the bullet. So here goes.
It was April 2014 and I was studying an Access to Science course to be able to go and study Nursing at the UEA. I was lucky enough to get a conditional offer meaning all I had to do was gain my qualifications and I was in.Unfortunately, life doesn’t always turn out how you think it might and on the 17th April I was driving back from the coast and had a head on collision with another car that happened to be on the wrong side of the road coming round a bend.
I gained consciousness a couple of times in the car and have a vague recollection of stuff going on around me. I noticed that my Mum wasn’t really my mum and I knew she had passed away and I tried to reach over to her, but couldn’t move due to the way the car had crumpled in on me. The next time I woke up, I was surrounded by paramedics and Doctors, by which time, my mum was gone. You know how in movies, there is a kind of loud silence when an explosion happens, or when people are experiencing near death situation?.. Well, one thing I remember so vividly is the silence. I woke up and there was nothing apart from my own voice. I cried and cried, but I was alone. There must have been so much blood, as I broke so much of my body but there was no pain. Even before I had any pain relief, there was just. Nothing. In that moment, my whole life went from under me and you can do one of two things. You can give up. Or you can carry on. Unknowingly my brain decided it wasn’t time to give up yet and I am so lucky to be here. Not only that, but I am lucky to be able to walk. There really is always someone worse off than you.
I was on life support for around 18 hours and then slowly and after 7 or so operations, numerous medical professionals, lots of medication, support from friends and family and willpower I started to become me again. For weeks I couldn’t even get out of bed and had to be washed. At one point it would take 5 or 6 people to roll me because of the pain. I had to wear these leg braces and could only bend my legs a little each week until eventually I was allowed to take them off. Which. Was. Heaven. I think in total I spent around 8-10 weeks in hospital and when I look back now, I have no idea how I did it. It kind of doesn’t even feel like it happened to me. I was just a skeleton of myself, both physically and mentally. I weighed around 56kg when I got there and left weighing around 49kg.
The hardest thing for me, apart from losing my Mum is how much of a different person I am compared to before. I was always old before my time and I think now it’s harder because I don’t really know who I am. This post isn’t a pity party. That’s just how it is. Life throws shit at you and expects you to deal with it. I say expect, because if you don’t cope, we all know how that ends.
I’m still on this journey and I call that because I feel it means that it isn’t the end and there is still hope. I know I am very lucky to be here and perhaps thats part of the problem. Maybe everything will be ok and maybe it happened for a reason. I know I wouldn’t have started blogging if the accident hadn’t happened. 2 years is such a long time, yet I feel like I blinked and missed it. There is still a very very long way to go. But I would like to thank the people that have been there for me through it all. I could let this be the end or start of something great. So heres to the rest of the journey.
I don’t know what possessed me to write this and publish it for the world to see. This post is what happened to me and my experience of it, so please bare that in mind when your reading it. It’s probably quite disjointed and doesn’t read very well, but writing about 2 years in less than 1000 words isn’t as easy as you’d think. If anyone would like to speak to me you can contact me via firstname.lastname@example.org and I’m also on twitter and Facebook.